Why Hawaii, Part II

Aloha Friends!

By now you have received the message that I have landed at my intended destination…at least so far. I believed I promised you more to the story -- and so -- we have some catching up to do.

Before I recap the last travelogue, I have to let you know about the newest twist to my journey. I leave for India and Thailand on March 29, 2007. That’s this Saturday! I am going with my friend Patti, whom I met at a Firetribe gathering on Oahu, while still on my way to Kaua’i. She lives on Big Island, so I visited her last week in order for us to knock out some planning. We are going to be spending 5 weeks in India. We’ve started a bog just for this trip. You can find us at: http://cpindiajourney.blogspot.com

9 days of this journey will be spent at the Source of the Holy Ganges, celebrating the Divine Mother Festival (Navaratri) at Haidakhan Vishwa Mahadham. This is Babaji’s ashram located somewhere in northern India (details, details). Sondra Ray, who has led groups to this ashram every year for the past 30 years, is our fearless leader for this trip. (www.sondraray.com) I am very much looking forward to meeting her.

Patti and I will be spending time in the Himalayas, in Dharamsala (I’ll say “hi” to the Dalai Lama for ya’ll), Calcutta, a visit to the Taj Mahal, and then moving on to Thailand where we will visit Bangkok, Ayuthaya and Chiang Mai. This excursion is occurring because I opened an email from Patti, in which she invited me to join her. My body was wracked with 1000s of tiny goosebumps as I read the email. I initially said “Thanks, but no thanks,” because I became filled with fear – what do I do when my money runs out, namely. Rather, I remained paralyzed with fear and this fear clamped down even harder. (I’ve kind of been a deer caught in the headlights since I arrived on Kaua’i.)

I got home later that afternoon and remembered that I am supposed to be making decisions based on my intuition and emotion, not logic, and said aloud (to myself, of course), “WHAT was I THINKING?? Of COURSE I’m going to India!!!” India’s been a dream of mine for years. I pushed my fears aside (it took a little kicking actually), emailed her back and begged her to CALL ME!!! I decided to find a way to make this happen.

I will be traveling for 8 weeks and am enormously excited with anticipation!

To recap the last travelogue, I had described my travels to Kaua’i after a rockin’ business trip, getting hit by a truck (which I took as a clear sign to stop smoking – I don’t have to be told twice!), my shamanism appointment afterward, and how I spent the next while on the mend. That left us in mid-November, 2006.

And this fun-filled, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants saga continues…

The Big “C”

Dad told us he had cancer in December. Highly treatable, slow growing, great cure rate. Even so, I was still thoroughly stunned. Cancer is so prevalent in our society, you’d think it’d be casual to hear the diagnosis by now. It’s not. Any bringing to light of the mortality of someone you love hits hard in the core. Besides, it’s Dad, you know? Isn’t Dad impervious to everything? Cancer?! I still feel like I just lost my Grandma and Grandpa to cancer! Dad’s got it now, too? Is it contagious all of a sudden? But again, the type he has is highly treatable, slow growing, the odds are on his side for total recovery. Besides, Dad can overcome anything…

At the end of March, I followed my brother and sister into the farm’s driveway. It was fortuitous timing, as they had driven for about 4 hours from the north, and here I was pulling in directly behind them. We said our hellos to Mom and exchanged hugs with each other, chattering away with our easy small talk of “What’s new with you?” in the loud big-family style we are so accustomed to. Less than 10 minutes later, the phone rang. Mom came out of the office with a shocked look on her face and burst into tears. My hearing stopped working, I kept saying “Who has cancer, Mom, who?!!” She finally choked out “Me!”

Oh my God, Mom, too?! Again. Stunned. We all burst into tears. Shock set in, and time slowed to a crawl. I couldn’t believe both of my parents had been diagnosed with something so life altering – and potentially life threatening – in such short order.

I know not all of you reading are blessed with this, but if you know me at all – or if you are just getting to know me – my family is tight. We’re big and strong. We’re loud and generally happy when we’re together. We dance, we sing, we play and we work. We act as a cohesive unit supporting each other. Everything I learned about teamwork, I learned through my family working on the farm (or by trying to avoid work). Even though I always felt like the odd one out growing up, this was still my team. Because I am the oldest, I was lucky enough to be put into a position of being semi-responsible for raising my siblings. They each mean the world to me. When my entire family surrounds me (2 parents, 5 siblings, 7 nieces and nephews and another due in October), it’s a beautiful, noisy, perfectly comfortable – chaos.

I am certain you can surmise, moving away from home was not even a narrative to be crafted by this cranium with this awful news coming in.

Mom was scheduled for surgery within the month. Living just 1/2 an hour from home, I was fortunate enough to be in a position to stay with her after her surgery. Seeing the anesthesiologist take her away from Dad and I, definitely tops the charts in “Hardest Moments Ever.” I'm so happy that I was around long enough to see her get her energy back from the surgery and chemotherapy treatments. Nasty stuff, that chemo. It’s an oxy-moron that something so poisonous is deemed “therapy,” but I’m not going to argue semantics. It’s been helpful in clearing both Mom and Dad of the big C. Plus, it furthers my deep appreciation for the good works the pharmaceutical industry has accomplished in it’s history. It also makes me grateful for all those people I had the joy to work with during my 10-year stint in the industry. The work they do saves lives. Or at least extends them for a good long while.

Shortly after Mom’s surgery, we were blessed with a new niece, Amaya (number 7). Being at home helping out, I was able to be there for her sister and brother when they awoke in the morning, while their mother was busy delivering her into this life. Amaya coming into this world was a blessing to us in the midst of uncertainty and fear.

And More Shamanism

The weekend following my mom’s surgery, I went to a Shamanism Basic Core Journeying class in southwestern Wisconsin. My dear friend Viviana had asked me to go with her and share the cost of travel, but a couple of weeks before the class, she opted to bow out. I don’t recall the reason, but I knew deep down, I needed to go regardless. Instead of scrapping the whole trip, I decided she had gotten me interested for a reason, and I decided to honor that. This was to be my first personal delving into shamanism from the perspective of being the healer.

I remembered a friend of mine had a boyfriend who lived near where I was going to be. She gave him a heads up that I was coming, and he offered me a choice of camping or sleeping in a bed that was likely too short for me. I’m not big on having my feet dangle, so I picked camping. He helped me set up my tent on “The Point” in the dark while it was misting freezing cold rain.

Now, some of my friends might tell you I’m not all that steady on my feet. Even with all f the grace I have found through the dancing I do! I had forgotten to grab my headlamp, and didn’t realize how far we were going to be hiking to get to “The Point,” nor had I accounted for how fast the sun was setting. In this life, I had been (notice the past tense) prone to ankle sprains, so on the trip back to the car for another load, I whispered a quick prayer to Mother Earth to make every step sure and solid. I repeated the phrase, “I trust my feet will land solidly and firmly with each step I take.” It worked! I made it without incident!

In the light of morning, I ventured the path in amazed wonder at just how treacherous the trail had truly been. Larger stones scattered the terrain, with their sharp uneven edges jutting out dangerously, and deeply cut ruts carved by rain, gorged the route. I had to admit to there might be something to this prayer thing. J

“The Point” was literally just that. It’s the point of a bluff overlooking the valleys of the rolling hills in southwestern Wisconsin. It only made sense that I made my temporary home outside with the elements, as the basis for this workshop was laid in a deep connection with nature. I had to pick myself up from laughing really hard when my friend lit the bonfire with a flame throwing torch, though…

Core Journeying

The next morning -- on very little sleep -- I wound my way through the beautiful hills of southwestern Wisconsin for miles and miles. As I went from main road, to back road, to narrow drive, to dirt access road, I took in the spring beauty of freshly blossoming trees, flowers and the many different colors of green surrounding me.

The class was held at a private residence like none I have ever been in. The house was buried partially into a hill in the countryside. Inside, it had wide open spaces for the living area and kitchen, all done in natural stones and woods. The outside of the home was crafted in stone – perhaps granite – and had crystals (think amethyst and quartz) and stone carvings mortared directly into the stonework in obvious – and some conspicuous –places. It was, in and of itself, a work of art. The garden surrounding it was done in curved terraced beds with beautiful statuary carefully placed. It was as though the statues had been asked where they’d like to sit, and what ambrosial beauty they might love to have planted at their feet. This ornate greenery provided the carpet to step onto as the garden decorations come alive when evening falls, and the world has ushered itself to sleep.

A second building was a few yards away and adjacent to the house. It was connected only by a granite walkway. This building was smaller than the house, and had an open floor plan, which included a darkly finished, upright piano. Drums, rattles, offerings of nature, rugs, pelts, a single futon and chair graced the sun-filled room. Leaving our shoes behind at the doorstep, our auras were cleansed with white sage at the entrance. This sublime herb is a powerful way to clear any energies which might inhibit our spiritual growth and development during this sacred gathering. It was new to me then, but feels a part of me now.

Upon entering, I glanced around at the beautiful faces around me, ranging in age from 28 – 60, and recognized every single one of them. I had just walked into a room of people I felt like I had already known. Each one of them was lovingly familiar to me, although I am certain I have not known them in this lifetime.

We called in the four directions, lower, upper and middle realms and began our learning. We were led through a meditation to grant us a reference point to always begin our journeys from. I found myself sitting naked on a warm rock high up on a hillside much like that of which I had traversed when I visited Ireland. That point was our starting point in stillness. From there, we went wherever our imagination took us. I ran hard feeling the ground beneath my feet, for I am not a runner in this incarnation. It felt good to have the warm sun pouring over my skin as I ran bare-foot through the soft, mossy grass. Our signal to return to our starting point, was a change in the beat of the drum. When we came back, we found this had not only been a meditation to establish where to begin from, it had also been our first journey in the Middle Realm.

We took turns journeying for each other and moving in and out of the lower and upper realms. I can remember all of my journeys (as I took copious notes), but my favorite had to do with a journey I did for a woman in the upper realm where I was greeted my grandmother. It was so perfectly Grandma, too. I felt the love from her, but at the same time there was this “You SO don’t need me for this!” kind of feeling emanating from her.

This resonated with how I viewed her when I was growing up. She was marvelous at empowering us to do everything for ourselves. The only thing we really weren’t allowed to do was driving the combine at harvest time. Of course, I had had a bad experience driving the tractor, so I didn’t want to have anything to do with it anyway. One year she had a full leg cast on which went all the way up to her hip, and and made it impossible for her to climb the ladder into this big beast of a tractor. She insisted that the guys lift her into it with the bucket tractor. Grandma didn’t trust that if something happened to the equipment during the harvest, that the men would slow down long enough to shut everything down before they started sticking their arms into all the mechanized places. If nothing else, it worked. Everyone still has all of their limbs (and I pray they continue to keep them!)!

As quickly as Grandma came into my vision during the journey to show me the way, she disappeared knowing I was fully supported and cared for.

This weekend workshop allowed me to create a huge shift in myself. We were asked to bring an intention for something we wanted to change, or have access to, in our lives. My intention was in infantile development when I arrived Saturday morning, but became clear as the first day progressed. It became, “To quit all people, environments and things that no longer serve my higher purpose.” That’s pretty darn broad. Honestly? My main goal was to quit smoking weed. The immediate effects stunned me a bit, because I not only quit smoking, but I quit drinking alcohol, too! I was becoming aware of the reasons I had picked up these habits along my route. I did this in order to avoid all of the things in life that made me sad, uncomfortable, angry, fearful and anxious. At the time of their inception into my life – that was just about everything.

Pot, as much of a mind opener as it was in the beginning for me, quickly became an addiction I fought with for years. I knew it was not my “thing,” but I continued to smoke it anyway. I knew this, because when I smoked marijuana, it made my body thoroughly ache in every single place I had ever sustained physical trauma in my life. Trust me, I have had plenty of trauma! I’ve had 4 experiences where if they had happened even slightly differently, I would have stepped out of this life.

With the sacred work I performed in that class and with the creation of my talisman which held my intention, and the symbolic breaking of it over the sacred fire at the end of the weekend, quitting was actually easy. I should have known the ramifications of it would reverberate out further than the pot or alcohol. Little did I know then, what other aftereffects my heartfelt intention was going to manifest in my life.

Remodeling

In April, I scheduled my home for new windows and a bathroom makeover. Both were stunning additions to the space. The windows were in place the week before Memorial Day. Removing the kitchen window and replacing it with a patio door brought in so much sunlight, it became joyful to spend time in my kitchen cooking! To practice a bit of unaccustomed frugality, I stained and varnished the window panes myself. For 2 months, I systematically taped, stained, re-taped, varnished, sanded, filled nail holes, re-taped and varnished again. The whole while, I meditated. I used the time to allow thoughts to happen, to pay attention to things going on in and around me, and to process the symbolic messages which had seemingly all of a sudden, begun to flood into my life.

The first strange, yet delightful message I received was smelling White Ginger from Hawaii (http://www.hear.org/starr/hiplants/images/thumbnails/html/hedychium_coronarium.htm). But I wasn’t in Hawaii. I was standing in my living room and out of nowhere, this powerful aroma wafted in front of my nose. I thought I was losing it, as I recognized it instantly! It happened a second time when I jumped into my car and turned the corner near my house. Simultaneously, as the smell wafted through, images of the north shore of Kaua’i came to my mind's eye. The third olfactory experience was at work, in my office cubicle. And I knew there weren’t any flowers there. (This wasn’t the first time I had smelled something for an instant and knew something – or some being – was afoot. When my Grandma passed away, I smelled cinnamon every time I thought of her, or when I was in great need. When Grandpa passed, I smelled vanilla! I assumed they were baking together in Heaven.)

From my previous stay on Island, White Ginger had been the most delectable flower to fill my senses. My friend and coworker cut some of these flowers for me with his machete on my first trip to Oahu. It grows on big thick stalks, with wide sharp leaves and is roughly 6' high. The flower is just at the top of the stalk, and my experience is that they are usually covered in hundreds of little ants. My second trip to Honolulu, he remembered my delight of the white ginger, and had a lei made for me out of this beautiful flower. I have a pressing of a single flower in a paperback book, which still carries the delicious scent.

Shortly after I smelled the Hawaiian flower in Wisconsin, I had a dream that I was on a plane flying to Kaua'i. We were ascending quickly into the sky. It was a 4-seater, a tiny little plane. A woman who looked remarkably like me (go figure!) was sitting in the seat next to me, smiling. The pilot was male and reminded me somewhat of my Dad. In the snap of my fingers, I was on the tarmac, at Lihue Airport on Kaua’i. Three planes were flying over my head, in formation, as if being diverted from landing. But here I was, on the ground. Planted. Solid. There. Here.

It was another sign, I had no doubt, and was fully trusting of it.

I remembered my friend Iana had said to me, “When Kaua’i calls, you’ll know.” I certainly wanted to believe it, but didn’t believe for a minute it was going to happen! Leave the comforts of home? Everything I know? Forget all that – me? – worthy of “being called?” I thought it’d be cool to get a metaphysical call from this place in the middle of the ocean that felt more like home than home did, but I was sure I wasn’t deserving of something that incredible.

Work Shifts

During all of the meditating, smelling ethereal flowers, and dreaming while I was staining my windows, the Universe was conspiring to make some unexpected changes in my life to assist me with pursuing an entirely new direction. We had another re-organization at work and I was assigned to a new manager. For anyone not familiar with Corporate America, re-orgs (as they are called) happen when things aren’t working
well. I think it’s really a strategy in adding a little more confusion to the mix, so that no one will catch on to the fact that things aren’t working.

I had spent much of the year struggling to understand my previous two managers, and felt my heart sink with the latest organizational changes. I’m sure they had the best intentions for me. In fact, I’m certain of it with the way things have unfolded! I had changed managers five times in less than one year. After working for IBM for 2.5 years, I was kind of used to reporting to someone new every 3rd day! When I shared who I was now being managed by, I received a very sober warning from a coworker. The warning: I should consider finding a new job for myself immediately. I tried not to take that seriously, because how could it be that bad?

Two weeks later, it was not only intuitively clear to me, but made clear for me in case I wasn’t paying attention, that my relationship with my new overseer needed serious work. Now, I’ve worked some miracles in my life, and many for this job, but I was unsure of how this particular relationship could shift into anything that might resemble a healthy relationship. Tried as I might, the quality of our interactions started to spiral into a struggle of power and control. I tried to stay in integrity, but I do readily admit, I am human and it wasn’t something I did as well as I might have.

Even so, I was given permission to schedule my vacation for the end of June, and was very much looking forward to it. It happened spontaneously. I was at a Les Claypool concert with a couple of friends of mine. Out of nowhere, she yelled an offer – over the music – to buy me a ticket to Pagan Spirit Gathering (http://www.circlesanctuary.org/psg/) if I could pick her up in Indiana. She was going to be stranded there for a graduate level class, without any means of escape. I'd been hearing about the gathering for almost 17 years, and had other friends going, too! I had always wanted to go! As an added bonus, I got to stay with my lovely cousin Jen, whom I don't get to see nearly enough. I got to spend sweet time catching up with her and given a place to crash for the night.

Back at work, I was managing a project that had a deadline (one of many) on June 8th. As luck would have it, I started experiencing symptoms of diverticulitis on Tuesday, June 5th. If any of you reading this have had a bout of this, you have my compassion. It's dreadfully painful and can be life-threatening when not treated. As the pain intensified throughout the day on Tuesday, I couldn't move, walk, or even sit up straight in my chair. Wednesday, I went to the doctor, and then Thursday and again on Friday. They dosed me with massive antibiotics and serious painkillers. I was in no condition to do anything but sleep. Of course I called into work to explain, but I assure you I was relieved reached my manager’s voicemail. This also meant I missed my deadline. It was a good thing I had scheduled time off for the first three days of the following week to celebrate my birthday as I spent the time recuperating.

Thursday, June 14th, the day after my birthday, I went back to work. You could say I was doomed from the start, because I overheard a very unpleasant conversation between my manager and a coworker of mine just before he held a mandatory meeting with me. Or, you could say everything worked out perfectly. Our conversation made things very clear to me that I wasn't cutting it, and intuitively, I now completely understood the working relationship was not salvageable. I'd never been fired from a job before (I’ve kind of had a bad habit of being an overachiever, actually), but the direction this was going made the inevitable obvious. Knowing it was coming was quite a blessing, actually. It made the brute force of the event much softer and more easily dealt with. Friends of mine who also felt it coming, said I would look back and see it as the best thing that ever happened to me. They were right.

Pagan Spirit Gathering (PSG)

Anyway, back to the rest of the story, eh? I still haven’t been fired yet in the linear sense of time, so no sense putting the cart in front of the horse. I drove to Indiana to stay with my cousin the night before I picked up my friend to go to PSG. We meandered our way to dinner. Jen and I have a way of meandering together. It's quite fun and relaxing. The best part is that her driving doesn’t scare me. Driving anywhere is required where she lives. During dinner, I told Jen about smelling the white ginger, and the dream I had about being on the plane and tarmac at Lihue. I added excitedly, "Wouldn't it be SO COOL if I was supposed to move to Kaua'i?" Having paid the bill, and on the way to her car less than 10 minutes after having said that, my phone rang.

Iana from Kaua'i was calling. She said she had a rattle for me. After my shamanism class, I had remembered that she made rattles for shamanic work. I asked her if I might have one of them if it spoke to her for me. After all, it only made sense to use a sacred object from my favorite spiritual place on Earth for doing the work of the Divine! After telling me she had a rattle for me, she quickly followed up with, "and I checked in with Spirit really quickly and you're supposed to come get it!"

I’m pretty sure I convulsed in Jen's passenger seat because it was too much all at once. This last bit of news so perfectly fit, and even so, I had been somewhat oblivious to the signs I was being handed. Not entirely oblivious, but I guess I needed some direct communication. Thankfully, lava rock did not fall from the sky and land on my head. In the safety of Jen’s car, I relished my moment of freaking out.

When freaking out like that happens, it’s as though your heart completely accepts that this person/place/thing is totally and completely right. It feels right. While that is happening, the thinking mind – or ego – instantaneously begins the job of sabotaging you by putting every single fear it can possibly think of in front of your face to stop you in your tracks. Hey, let’s face it, if we follow our dreams, we might not need the ego to fear for us anymore! Fearless living? That’s a new concept! This fear-block stops any action being taken by you by posing every self-doubting, fear-based question it can possible conjure. At this point in the game, it's easy to shut down the dream. I liken it to not being able to get up off of the couch from being (sucked in) in front of the TV. Real life is much, much scarier than all that made up fantasy world stuff on the television. It's a conscious choice to live in someone else's fantasy world. And it’s easier to live in a void. It’s very easy to sucked in and stay there. Especially when you start to ask questions about what you might do if you were to follow your dreams. Do you ever do that? Ask yourself questions like, “What are my dreams anyway?” I mean, shoot – ho do you follow your dreams when you don’t have any? Makes me squirm just thinking about it. Even now.

PSG was a high point in my summer. I was able to camp with three high-level energy workers who assisted in an amazing healing for me. I wasn’t able to walk, and I danced around the fire that night.

Every event leads to another doorway, and in some cases the doors are already thrown open for us. The next logical fear-based question my ego placed in front of was: "Maybe I'm only supposed to go for another visit." So I did the most logical thing that presented itself to me at the event, I consulted an oracle and…yeah, you guessed it!...a simple visit is not quite what Spirit had in store for me. I was told I am going on a great journey (in progress for you project management junkies out there—All Green), and I am going to be journeying in order to find a teacher (who seem to be finding me). I will not be here permanently, as I will be asked to come back to teach. So…it seems like I’m going to end up with something to teach, too. It felt completely right and 100% scary.

The most poignant thing someone said to me during my travels to and from PSG was, "If you're going to look for symbols in your night time dreams, you'd better start paying attention to the symbols that appear in your day time." Just prior to saying that, my travel buddy had succinctly pieced together a string of symbolic events from the gathering we had just left, with this freak car accident we witnessed. That one set of strung-together symbols – her words – gave me a deeper perspective in which to pay attention to things happening around me. Pay attention I did. Boy, did I ever. This was waaaaaay bigger than me.

Amma

I went back to work on Tuesday, June 26th at noon. I was on auto-pilot with Spirit working through me. As if in a trance, I packed my personal items into a box while my manager's door was closed, and deleted any and all non-work information from my company-owned laptop. I walked around that day wondering how long it was going to be before the other shoe dropped.

Viviana asked me to go see Amma (http://www.amma.org/) with her in Chicago on Friday, July 6th. Amma is Divine Mother on Earth, and has hugged over 50,000 people in one day. Individually. Each. One at a time. Yes, there is a queue to stand in, and you do need a number in order to be in her receiving line. She is absolutely Divide and is referred to as, “The Hugging Saint.” I struggled with Viviana’s invitation. According to BBC News, “She has said that to hug someone is to symbolise giving, and that her embrace should help awaken the spirit of selflessness in people.” (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7130151.stm) I really wanted a hug. With everything happening, I needed a big hug.

Do I stay or do I go? By now, I knew my last day at work was very close. I didn't know anything about this saint, but Viviana did, and a number of her friends were making the trek to Chicago. It sounded enticing, and she left the decision up to me to go with her or to stay home (and get fired?). She giggled at me a lot, too. When I was muttering my options with her, she kept saying she wanted to see "what the Universe does with you, Celeste! I want to see what it does with you." Then she'd giggle some more and I'd moan my indecision back at her.

I thought about it, cried, called her back and asked her what time we should leave, and did we need to go food shopping? We both LOVE good food.

We set out on our short trek very early the next morning after I called into work and left a message saying I was using a personal day for a religious event. Viviana and I had a glorious day together. Serendipity prevailed, as we were pulled from the crowd and brought very close to the front of the room in order to sit with Amma as she gave heartfelt hugs to the masses, one person at a time.

When I received my hug from Amma, she pulled me close, murmured mantras into my ear, and conducted business with one of her students over the top of my head. It was a little weird, actually, but I felt incredible calm and support. When she released me from the hug, I actually felt and heard a pop, like she was unplugging herself from me. Viviana and I took an afternoon nap in the back of my car, so we could stay late into the evening and participate in puja. What a lovely experience. As I held the blessed water they passed out to the thousands of people in the audience, I was in awe as I felt it buzzing with loving life force in my hands. This was totally worth the risk of taking the day off from work.

Sunday night, I took the time to write out how I thought my last day was going to happen. I had heard scripting was a powerful manifestation tool, so I thought I’d use it to try to process the event beforehand. I wrote of myself as being entirely professional throughout the duration of being let go from my job, my career and in essence – my family. I had many opportunities for personal and professional growth through my experiences with this company, and this was the last impression I could leave. I chose to act in the highest manner possible. It was my choice to view the upcoming events as a release, instead of allowing myself to be humiliated by it.

Monday, July 9th, I showed up for work again, wondering if today was going to be my last day. I had a gut feeling Friday was supposed to have been, but since I had gone to Chicago, I had slightly altered the course of my personal history.

I tracked down a friend of mine in the morning, and had a leisurely chat with him about my plans to sell my house and move to Kaua’i. I knew my days were short, as the micromanagement I had endured at the hands of my new manager, was now nothing more than a cold, insincere hello in the hallway. At about 1:30, I was ushered into the human resources office, and told of my numerous indiscretions. I was offered an opportunity to redeem myself, which was mighty polite of them, but I knew it would do nothing for me to expend my energy in that way.

After some time in the human resources office, I was led to my desk to pack my things and then escorted to the exit. As scripted, I remained professional throughout the process – getting fired was a first for me! I have to admit, though, that I smiled knowingly as I walked through a narrow hallway where my escorts had to follow behind me. I smiled, because I had known this was coming (now I understand I co-created it), I was mentally and mostly emotionally prepared, and I was excited for whatever was next. Really when you think about it, the Universe quit my job for me that day. Spirit knew I wasn’t going to quit because I had invested so much of myself. So, I was released instead. I believe this step was necessary for whatever purpose it is I am truly supposed to fulfill in this realm of reality. In fact, scratch that, because I now know that as long as I keep showing up to this life everyday, I am living my purpose.

In the weeks prior to my last day, I was blessed with the ability to silently say goodbye to people whom I had worked with – and developed friendships with – over the past 10 years. I mindfully disconnected from the place that had in some ways tolerated – and in some ways accepted – my individuality, and at the same time provided me a safe space to grow. This place had seen me at my best as well as my worst. I have the good fortune of having met many, many souls during the course of this lifetime. Some of the best – and most memorable – I met there. It was really lovely to have the luxury of saying goodbye.

To Be Continued – Again?!!

Here I leave you hanging for the rest of the story yet again. This excerpt only places me mid-July, and I am currently creating new chapters of my life extremely quickly!! Yet in the story you just read, I haven’t even left for Hawaii yet! And so many miracles took place from July through November…and 1000s since then.

Be sure to do all you are able in order to live your dream. If you don’t have one, fantasize all of the possibilities you can think of. If just one of those fantasies gives you chicken skin, pay attention to it. Go into it. Feel what it might be like. When you follow your dreams, the Universe conspires to assist you in in the pursuit. If you find you are making more excuses for why you can’t instead of why you can, know that is fear talking you down. Fear wants you to stay the same so that you can’t realize all that you truly are.

But that’s not why you’re here.

Namaste, Aloha and many thanks for reading,
Celeste

I traveled to a bittersweet spot in life and chose to spend the day alone on Thanksgiving to battle a chest cold.  I was invited by my friends Joyce and Toby to join Toby's family, however I thought it best to stay home, sort through my things for the next leg of the journey, and nurture myself back to health.  After all, the most exciting part of this trip is yet to come. Baker City, OR
I am staying with my lovely friend Gaile, Doug, OC and Jazmine.  I have been looking forward to Gaile's cooking for quite some time.  I am so happy I get to see her in her space, instead of visiting me in Madison.  I love hearing her machinate her future, too.  Manifestation baby, that's what it's all about.

My old high-school friend Christian drove down from Vancouver, BC for a visit today, too.  He's the hot German foreign exchange student from senior year.  All the girls loved him.  Now he's teaching high school aged boys to stick their hands in the aorta valve of a beef heart.  I can't wait to show him and his wife all of the best sea kayaking spots on Kaua'i.

Wednesday I fly to Oahu, where I am going to stay with Maggie, a fellow Municher and friend.  I am amazed I am this far in my journey already, and doing my best not to be fearful.

Everything will unfold in due time at the right time, in perfect order.

Hot Springs, ND

Two nights ago, I stayed in Hot Springs, ND.  My intent was to relive a childhood memory and go to Evans Plunge ( http://www.evansplunge.com/index.html ), which is a spring fed swimming playground for adults and children.  When I was a kid, we stopped there for the night and played the next day before we left for our next destination.  Dad had freshly broken his ribs just before we left for that trip.  Well, actually, he got tossed by a steer who decided Dad was worthy of the fight. ;-)  Pops must've been feeling spry, though, because he went down this crazy 75 degree angle water slide on his belly...face first.  The goal was to keep your head and chest lifted, because when you hit the water, you skimmed across the top of it for 30 feet.  Hitting the water hurt him again...pretty badly as I remember it.

After I checked into the Red Rock River Resort (http://www.redrockriverresort.com) for the night, I had my first hot stone massage.   8 1/2 hours in the car made me hurt quite a bit.  If you've not had this type of massage, I highly recommend it to anyone who's having muscle pain.  The next day I checked out of the hotel and instead of Evans Plunge, I went to the Hot Springs Bath House.  Molly runs the place, and relocated from the island of Molokai, Hawaii.  Hmm.  Go figure, me running into someone else from Hawaii!  After mentioning I was moving to Kaua'i, she excitedly showed me pictures of the yurt she built on Molokai after she graduated from college.  Afterward, she shared some very interesting information about local and state politics with regard to the hot springs, and how the bath house came about.

During the Civil War, 78 soldiers were sent to the hot spring this bath house was built on because the Lakota tribe touted the healing benefits of the spring.  Of course, at that time it was just a mud hole!  All 78 soldiers suffered from gangrene in addition to other incurable medical problems, like arthritis.  According to legend, 77 of them healed thoroughly.  (I thought, what the heck?  I'll give it a try.  I'm still trying to heal.)  The owner of the establishment extensively researched the location of this specific hot spring prior to re-building the bath house.  In the early 1900's the VA Hospital built in Hot Springs because of the healing quality of the water.  In short order, over 30 bath houses sprang up all over town, including one in the spot I was in.  By 1930, though, the hospital decided they had surgery and drugs to treat people with instead.  Within a couple of years, almost all of the bath houses closed because of the hospitals new policies, and the springs were all capped off.

The owner of this bath house had to fight in order to uncap the spring he had researched.  The politicians were concerned about possible flooding even though the water was being piped in a controlled method into a pool.  Even so, he was not allowed to directly feed his pool and hot tubs from the spring.  He also wasn't allowed to have a jacuzzi, because it was considered luxury, not therapeutic.  The hot tubs on the other hand...were just fine to open to the public.  Weird, huh?  After a time, he stopped talking to the politicians, and simply tapped into the piping, directing it into his pool and hot tubs.  I saw the evidence of that by the irrigation tubing running along the ground, and the bricks that had been pulled out of place to make room for the tubes.

Get this:  the small healing pool isn't heated during the off-season, but the two hot tubs in operation were.  The hot tubs were kept at different temperatures because some people have trouble with 105 degree water.  I soaked for a time in the hotter of the two, and then stuck my feet in the pool.  Holy crap was it cold!  The temperature was probably just above freezing.  I decided to soak in the cooler of the two hot tubs.  Soon, tears came to my eyes because my shoulder had started to ache so badly I simply couldn't handle it.  Working on my trigger points, didn't help, rubbing my neck didn't help, nothing helped, the pain just kept getting worse and worse.  Through my tears, and because I could think of nothing else to try, I asked aloud "Please help, I can't take this, it hurts too much."  The tears continued to come, and the aching slowly started to subside.  It was almost as though the water was pulling the pain out of the depths of my shoulder.  I decided to use visualizations to help release it from my body.  Soon, I was as close to pain-free as I've ever been.  I got out of the cooler hot tub, and psyched myself up for wading from one end of the 15' long cold pool to the other...and did it!  The water was FREEZING and I was giggling my butt off!  I ran to the hot tub to warm up, got out, and this time I psyched myself up again and crossed the cold pool burying myself up to my neck!!!  It was crazy (I was crazy?), but I was laughing aloud and having the time of my life.

To Cheyenne, WY

The drive to Cheyenne was only 4 hours, but felt much longer that I expected.  Part of that may have been the vast, unending monotony of the Wyoming landscape.  Leaving Hot Springs had me fooled into thinking I was going to see more beauty because I had to wind up and out of the Black Hills.  Unbelievably gorgeous.  But no, not so pretty for the rest of the drive.  The drive to Cheyenne was SO windy that at one point I was getting 21.7 mpg.  When my route changed, and the wind was behind me though, it was like steering a roller skate with a jet engine using premium rocket fuel!  I got 32.1 mpg for a good part of the trip.  I saw roadsigns that said, "Wind Advisory, No Light Trailors."  Evidence of the severity of that presented itself much further down the road when I saw one semi-tractor and trailer overturned on the side of the highway.  It looked like the wind picked it up and carefully laid it on it's side.  Scary stuff!  30 yards earlier, and he'd have tumbled into a gulley.  I did have an inspiration for a new video game from the tumbling sagebrush that kept being thrown into my path, though!

Through the Dakotas and Wyoming, I couldn't help but think about the people who settled this land.  I have read about isolation depression, and have had some experience with someone who suffered from it.  To travel to vast parts unknown, and be one of the few people on the land within hundreds of miles, no one to talk to, working diligently to keep from starving from sunup to sundown...  It's no wonder people went mad in the west.  Being such a social being, I can't even begin to imagine how many personalities I would have had to create in order to keep myself sane.  ;-)

On a lighter note, everywhere I go, I am reminded of home in Wisconsin.  Even in the middle of nowhere, with only one vehicle in sight, I'll spot another Packer fan.

Family

Last night I spent the night at my aunt and uncle Todd and Diana's home outside of Cheyenne, with their three boys, Brandon, Collin and Tyler.  I got to have a home-cooked meal sans meat (so much meat on the road...ugh) and got to know more of my wonderful family up close and personal.  They are all very, very special people and I am so lucky I was able to stop and be with them in their element.

Boulder

I am now in Boulder, CO, just a short drive from Cheyenne and sitting beneath the majestic Rockies.  I am waiting for a phone call from a friend of a friend for a place to crash (Thanks Cari!!!  Munichers ROCK!!!  Mom thanks you, too.)  I hope he calls soon...

Until next time...
Peace, Love and Light
Celeste

I am in Minot, ND seeing my littlest (ok, youngest, not littlest anymore!) brother Adam, his wife Laura and their daughter Tia.  She is absolute spitfire and totally adorable...except when she's shorted on her nap.  Laura mentioned Tia had been asking all week long "Is that Auntie Chelsea?" every time a car drove by the house.  Of course, if you know anything about 2 year olds, the moment I arrived, she buried her face in her mama's shoulder and was too shy for me to hold her.  That passed.  She's not shy anymore!

I've been very blessed in my travels thus far.  I have been able to spend time with my entire immediate family along the way.  I've also been able to visit with my friends from up north.  Making the decision to see my family ultimately dictated the majority of my route to the west coast!   My friends determined most of my stops past Minot, ND.

Oh!  If any of you know anyone in Boulder, let me know.  I need a couch to land on.  :-)

The Healing Continues

Prior to leaving Madison, I saw Ana Larramendi, a healer who is a shaman (www.thehollowbone.com).  I saw her for massive shoulder pain (getting hit by a truck leaves residual issues, believe it or not), age-old chronic ankle sprains and a below-par self worth.

I noticed a repeat pattern with injury to my right shoulder and mentioned it during our interview.  Ana decided to do an extraction (see her website for a description of this work) and shared her impressions with me about my shoulder pain, as they came to her.  This pointed to a severely dislocated shoulder in a past life with the crushing of my collarbone.  Obviously, we have not always had the technology we do today, so my shoulder was not repaired in that lifetime.  This massive injury left me destitute, starving, and trusting people for care and support who did not have my best interests at heart.

An extraction of my ankles followed.  Ana asked questions about ankle sprains in my family's history in order to track them in my lineage.  I think everyone except my Mom has suffered some sort of repeated ankle trauma in my family.  This leads to Dad, which leads to Grandma...  The ankle issue definitely presented itself as an ancestral pattern.

After spending about an hour with my brother Adam last night, he mentioned he had torqued his right ankle just 2 weeks ago!  Today, when we were leaving the visitor center of the Minot Air Force Base, he stepped off the side of the sidewalk and felt something tear when he rolled it again.  His recovery from the near fall was quite amazing.  He was holding his daughter in the crook of his left arm and kept from throwing her or falling on her!  Prior to that, I had wondered if my healing could affect my siblings somehow...that'd be a wonderful way to share, certainly.  I guess not.

The Route

I have had many tearful goodbyes along the way.  The soppiest were with Mom, Victoria, Monica and Meghan -- Monica was the worst.  We've been tied at the hip all summer long since I haven't been working.  Honestly?  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I consider myself incredibly lucky.  I have been able to connect with each of my 7 nieces and nephews, all of my siblings, their wives, Meghan's future fiancee (sorry Craig, you shouldn't have told me about your aunt!), my beloved Munichers, and some of my dad's family.

Best Adventure Ever.

After I leave Adam, Laura and Tia, I travel to Hot Springs, SD to soak in the lovely healing springs for a night.  Then I travel to Cheyenne, WY to see my mom's brother and sister-in-law, and stay the night.  From there, I go to Boulder, CO (remember, I'm looking for a couch).  Check out www.couchsurfing.com.  It's how I am going to find a place to stay for the evening.

Oh, and Mom? I found a place to land in Hawaii.  I won't have to sleep on the beach after all.  :-)

Until next time...

Peace, Love and Light,
Celeste

My journey of spiritual growth and development began with the realization that I was on a different path than those who surrounded me.  This has been a realization throughout the course of my life.  It used to come in small doses, but about 4.5 years ago, the pace hastened a great deal.  I've hardly had a moment of stagnation since!

Most recently, the Universe quite my job for me.  That very same day, my ex-husband and his wife gave birth to a child.  A second door, this one from my past, also closed tightly behind me.  Happily enough, it only took moments for me to realize there is a incredibly beautiful, double-wide French door in front of me, with both panes flung wide open!  As I step across the threshold, Spirit's whisper is on my neck and in my ear, with soft hands at my back gently encouraging me to make the biggest move of my life.

I have only ever lived 30 minutes from the wonderful home I grew up in here in the Midwest.  I am preparing my house, my friends, my family and myself for a move to Kaua'i, Hawaii.

Last year, I was gifted with two trips to this amazing place.  Both of these trips were at the end of a business trip to Oahu, and the respite on Kaua'i was much needed.  I was given many, many gifts the first time I found myself there.  The best?  I made two friends who are near and dear to my heart.  I also found Home.

I have never left a place and cried because I was leaving it.  People?  Yes.  I have cried because I have had to leave my friends and family.  Never a place.

The second time I was able to visit Kaua'i was a gift like none other.  Less than 3 weeks previous, I had been struck by a truck when crossing the street during a down pour.  I was having a serious argument with myself about why I was "still smoking these (expletives!) cigarettes!!!"  Needless to say, timing is everything, and as I crossed the street with these terrible degrading thoughts going through my head, a very kind man did not see me and hit me with his full-size pick-up truck.

The cigarette went flying.  So did I.

Many amazing things have happened since then.  A visit to the Shaman occured, classes have been taken, seemingly random meetings have brought amazing people into my life, others have left it.  Of course, the latest is that the Universe quit my job for me.

Four weeks prior to that, though, I started smelling my favorite flower from Hawaii, Wild Ginger.  I smelled it in my car, my home, my office...  Now, a type of this flower grows in the state I come from, but I've never seen it -- or any version of it here.

Two weeks prior to being released from my job, I had a dream that I was a passenger on a plane flying to the Island.  Suddenly, I was on the tarmac.  Three planes were trying to land at the same time, but all were diverted.  I however, was grounded.

Images of being on Island were coming to me from every angle in the most ordinary moments.  Sights, smells, sounds, wind, I was surrounded by Kaua'i.

Soon, I was telling my dear sweet cousin about these images, smells and dreams at dinner.  I was on my way to a spiritual retreat and had stopped to spend the night with her.  After relaying these wonderful happenings to my cousing, I received a call from a dear friend of mine who lives on Kaua'i. After taking a basic core journeying class six weeks earlier, I had requested a rattle from her.  I remembered that she made them for shamanic work.

She said she had finally gotten around to sending a rattle to me.  She decided to check in with Spirit first, and was told "She needs to come get it."

My breath caught in my chest, and my body told me it was right!

Even at this point, I did not have a complete answer.  Was I to go for a visit?  A long term stay?

The journey winds this way and that.



The next leg begins.

I sit here drunk and contemplating what!? to write
Post-pleasure of shoveling my snowy drive by hand
Deeming the quality of purpose of mind through contemplative hind-sight
For those external whom expect immediate response, while thoroughly inebriated
Accepting a response though entirely delayed

Solidly lay sober intentions completely upon
So thou may captitulate intensely
Through all thine fantasies which thy might possibly achieve
With the after-effect of steadfast inquiry
For honest communication 'est though credible key

My Love be tried fully and in present completely true
Who knew such magic bid adieu to wise old fairytales
L'est sparklin' realities begin to alight the mind
And night question magical sight through untold stars
While the Milky Way bring ten-thousand fold light to sight

And what would a woman of perceived virtue do
But say and tell she has true love for you


~Celeste Ametrine~
February 24, 2007

I had the most wonderful experiece in Chicago this past week.  Sick with a nasty cold and after a difficult, but inspiring day's training for my PMP, I ventured to the Red Line on State Street with no address, and no directions for getting to my friend Ali's house.  After asking 3 people for directions to the underground station, I finally made my way to the North line.

Wacked on cold medicine and herbs, with a head full of "stuff" I purchased my ticket and proceeded to the gate.  Inserting my ticket, I watched for it to be spit out the other side...but that didn't happen.  I hazily saw the light turn green, but didn't push through the turnstile.  Instead, I looked dazed at my ticket -- still sitting there, or so I thought -- and grabbed it and tried again.

Finally understanding that it had already been punched and spit back at me, I took my ticket and started to wander back to the ticket vending machines, thought differently about it and instead headed to the Transit folks not knowing what to expect in the way of an interaction.

Wandering up to the "cage" they sit in, I could tell right away normally, they were terse and less than kind when dealing with the public.  They are the Chicago Transit Authority, after all.  Approaching them with sweetness and nothing but kindness, however, I looked up at the women in the gate and after noticing me, one said "That is a beautiful coat!!" and the two women were out of the cage entering the platform, joined by a man from the Transit Authoring, unlocking the gate for me to let me through before I knew what was happening.  "Where did you get that coat?!"  I told them I found it in a second hand shop in Jefferson Wisconsin for $4.95 and twinkled at their stunned responses.   As it is a 1950's royal blue velvet coat, I offered for them to touch it, so I received a little petting at the gate -- never a bad thing!

Again I dazedly looked at my ticket and asked if I was alright to come through and one of the women said, "Honey, that coat got you through the gate!!"

After spending time with my lovely friend Ali and laughing for hours, I again ventured to the Red Line for my return trip.

An African American homeless man missing teeth and with an interesting hem length to his cut off jeans, got on the train and said, "Lady -- I like your funky hat!!"  I sparkled up at him and said Thank you and went back to my studies.  On his way off the train, he told me to "Never stop wearing them funky hats, Lady!!"  I assured him with a smile that I wouldn't.

An African American woman replaced the man in the seat in front of me.  In passing I said something small to her.  She, too started a conversation with me about my coat and thought I had paid hundreds of dollars for it!  I assured her, no really, it was only $4.95 and she just about fell out of her seat!  We bonded, and when I got off the train, I heard her yell for me -- and she whisked the gloves I had left in my seat into my hands before the train doors closed.

Every interaction has the potential for impacting someone's life, no matter how large or how small.  I am always pleasantly rewarded for these wonderful nuggets in my life.  I am blessed enough to have them daily.  I learn so much from the wide variety of people I meet and am eternally grateful to each one of them.

Thank you for reading!